Enough

I've always known this would be the end. There was no wondering for me. Would it be peaceful? Would I be alone? Would anyone even notice? Since the age of ten I knew how it would end for me. This empty hole within me would finally take control and consume my will, my already-small will to live.

My life has not been particularly tragic, or particularly happy for that matter. I'm just an average Joe living an average life. Maybe that's why I've always known. In my soul there is a desire to be something, to be remembered. Maybe this is how I would be special.

Fame. Honor. Courage.
In my mind this is will be the outcome. Maybe there is something wrong with me but that's how I see it.
Fame. I will be remembered. People might whisper my name during their lunchtime gossip after mass. Friends will wonder what went wrong. Shortlived fame.
Honor. This one is the most difficult to explain because common sense would lead you to believe the contrary. But honor. There is a sense of honor in knowing when enough is enough. A sense of honor in realizing exactly what you want and acting on it with no safety net, no second chances.
Courage. How many people live through miserable lives waiting for an even more miserable death. The ultimate leap takes a tremendous amount of courage to take willingly.

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